Creating Elaborate Backstories for Your Bill Collectors and Other Fun Ways to Cope with Adulthood
As a child I always wanted to be an adult; that was stupid. Don’t get me wrong, adulthood has perks. I can eat ALL the cake and go to bed late, but let’s be honest, all the work and responsibility sucks. Luckily, I have a childlike, (or is it childish? I will stick with childlike, it’s classier right? Right). As I was saying, luckily, my innate childlike nature has helped me develop some fun, or at least snicker-worthy, ways to cope with adulthood. If you would like to learn how to make debt collectors less annoying, make organization fun using stickers, and more, then have I got a treat for you
Creating Elaborate Backstories for Your Bill Collectors
Do debt collectors call you so often you remember their names and just mutter oh it’s Richard from Infidelity again. Next time try adding a little bit of flavor to it. Try something like this, “Oh, it’s Richard from Infidelity again. His wife changed all his accounts from Richard to Dick. Turns out he is not so good at fidelity management.” Next time your trusty bill collector calls, test your prowess for improv and you will look forward to their calls instead of feeling like you want to puke.
Free Stuff Makes the Happy Brain Chemicals
Can’t Sleep? The stress of never-ending responsibility keeping you awake at night? Let me lead you down the rabbit hole of freebies. In this dark timeline, getting free stuff can be an instant happiness booster and it turns out it is super easy to do when you are half asleep!
Simply do a web search for “free samples” and “freebies”. There is a surprising abundance of places that will send you free samples. I have received everything you can imagine, from laundry soap to trail mix and toilet paper to glitter glue. I don’t remember signing up for baby freebies, but I have received an absurdly large amount of infant formula and coupons. The baby stuff might have been capitalism trying to remind me that I’m fertile and should start making worker ants. But I digress.
Remember to use a throwaway email address when signing up for freebies; many sites will require your email. *coughs* (they will spam you like crazy) * coughs again* The best part is, if you are tired enough when signing up, you will forget you did by the time the free stuff arrives. Getting random crap for free can give you the dopamine boost that makes trudging through this hellscape a bit more bearable.
Live Like you are on a Reality Cooking Show Contest
So you always wanted to be a star? Surprise! You have been living a reality cooking competition show this whole time! The show is called “How Am I Going to Eat This Week?” and you are the star. Some of the daily challenges include — how to make ramen for every occasion, instant potatoes as dessert, and condiments are a whole meal. So instead of worrying about your budget, think outside the box, or even in the box, if that box is a bakery dumpster after they throw out all the day old bread.
Use the Stickers that were Too Nice to Use
Adulthood comes with commitments. I know this sounds bad, but I guarantee it will save you time. Time you could use for activities or sleeping or dog dancing competitions, (yes, it is a real thing, and it is amazing)! Google dog dancing competitions. You’re welcome!
I know this sounds like a trick, but a little homework can make the B.S. of being an adult easier and as fun as possible (considering it’s homework). Remember those stickers you never used because they were too nice, or the coveted multi-click, multicolored all-in-one pen? Well, now is the time to use them. They are cheap and easy to find; get some.
Make a list of all your responsibilities for the month and add them to a calendar using your stickers and pens. Really channel kindergarten and decorate your calendar. Macaroni art and finger painting never go out of style. Hang your masterpiece on the fridge. You now have an organized plan to manage your responsibilities, one that will make you smile instead of cringe.
Perspective is an important tool for dealing with adulthood and it is a necessary one for coping with the never-ending pile of chores we call life. I hope these life hacks challenge you to laugh more and make fun where you can. It can’t all be doing dishes, dirty laundry, and extended car warranty spam, can it?!